By: Julie Mitchell
Jazz Fest is right around the corner, and, of course, the biggest questions on everyone’s minds are: “Can I park here?” and “How can I not spend twelve dollars on three beers?” Well, we can help you with one of those. Here are the 6 best ways to sneak alcohol into Jazz Fest. Have fun and good luck!
- The Local
Just come drunk! Don’t go too crazy because if you show up not walking straight, it’s not saving you money, it’s costing you money (roughly the price of a Jazz Fest ticket because they’re not gonna let you in if you’re wasted). HOWEVER, pre-gaming a little can give you an exciting buzz for a few hours which you can balance out with some Crawfish Monica.
- The Troubled Track Star
Ssshh…don’t tell, but most often, if you have a water bottle that is sealed they’ll let you bring it in. So this option requires you to be a little cavalier and a little crafty-but if you fill up a water bottle (the cheaper ones with the thin seals at the top) with vodka (cheap, cheap vodka) all the way to the tiptop and close it very tight, you’re usually good. I would only recommend this with very cheap vodka that you wouldn’t mind having to throw out if caught. But it’s perfect for if you wanna spike your strawberry lemonade! You can also try resealing the bottle. Here’s a tutorial!
- The Wooden Leg
Flasks, flasks, flasks. A small hard one would work tucked in somewhere, or (more preferably) a soft flask (you probably have some lying around from Mardi Gras right?).
- The Alley-Oop
This option requires you to have friends. So find some first! Have a buddy who got there earlier than you meet you at a discreet end of the gate. Throw over a water bottle/Nalgene with some fun juice in it, then meet them inside and enjoy Nick Jonas!
- The Mission Impossible
Step 1: Buy spelunking gear. Step 2: Strap desired alcohol to your body. Step 3: Climb the nearest skyscraper. Step 4: Throw your grappling hook on the top of the Acura tent. Step 5: Lower yourself (and your booze) into Jazz Fest unnoticed!
- The Penny Lane
Camp out the night before. Befriend the tour managers as they arrive. Get invited to travel with the band. Fly by security with all your smuggled booze.
- The Matrix
(Requires a little more prep) Take guitar lessons for 1 year. Become incredibly good. Write a song that changes life as we know it. Go on a world tour. Be invited to perform at Jazz Fest. Bring all the alcohol you want!!!